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Marriage in Islam – if one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married.

Marriage in Islam -
if one chooses not to marry
or is unable to get married.


Marriage in Islam -
if one chooses not to marry
or is unable to get married.

–>

 

The first post on marriage covered the introduction to marriage and generally what Islam portrays regarding marriage.

From the topics mentioned, “If one chooses not to marry or is unable to get married” is the next topic to be discussed.

Islam is a flexible religion but has its boundaries; its flexibility allows one to adopt it as a way of life and implement its teachings into every situation; whereas its boundaries restrict man from becoming too engrossed into certain acts and therefore becoming extreme in following their desires. Flexibility and boundaries set by Islam have created a perfect balance for man to achieve good both in this world and the hereafter, it is a balance that allows man to be successful in both the worlds.

Marriage also has boundaries and flexibilities; it is a matter which has been regarded as half of one’s Imaan (religion). Marriage is taken seriously in Islam as it allows people to live in a clean and moral society where desires are fulfilled in a human and shameful manner. It is an act that increases the number of believers and will cause our beloved Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم to be proud by having the largest number of believers.

The Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has clearly forbidden people from celibacy:

“There is no celibacy in Islam”

[Sahih al-Bukhari]

However, in life it is not always possible to adopt the Sunnah act of marriage. There come in life situations that restrict that do not allow one to get married.

Therefore, it is necessary to mention the ruling of marriage; is it Mustahab (desired/recommended), Sunnah (way of the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم, therefore encouraged), Wajib/Fardh (obligatory).

Similarly, there will be times when marriage will be ruled as Makrooh (disliked) or Haraam (forbidden).

At this time we will deal with those rulings that concern that person who chooses not to marry or does not have the means to.

According to Imams Abu Hanifah marriage is Sunnah and recommendatory. It is an act of worship and one should strive in fulfilling this act. However, if one is in a position where he cannot control his desires then it is Wajib (necessary) for such a person to get married as he will not be able to save himself from sinning.

However, a person is excused from marrying, so much so that he should refrain from it, if he does not possess the means of supporting his wife or the capability of fulfilling her rights.

The question remains for that person who wishes to marry but does not possess the means, what should he do? Hadhrat ‘Abdullah رضي الله عنه narrates that:

“We were with the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Apostle صلي الله عليه و سلم said, “O young people! Whoever amongst you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting is a shield for him (from desires).”


[Sahih al-Bukhari]



In this Hadeeth it is clearly mentioned that one who cannot marry should fast as the fasting will act as a shield for him from his desires. However, whilst doing this one should make an effort to resolve the matters that are stopping him from marrying.

As a final note, it should be remembered that not being financially able and being in a position to provide for one’s wife means the basic essentials that are necessary. Having an elegant and extravagant wedding and inviting people is not part of ‘essentials’ and is in actual fact totally discouraged and forbidden in Islam. However, in today’s society we see people going to the extent of taking out loans to organise a ‘wedding to remember.

Insha Allah this topic will be mentioned in later posts and how choosing the correct partner will save one from committing such a grave sin from the first day of such a blessed and auspicious act of worship.

May Allah give us all the courage and strength to save ourselves from the sins of desires and may He also give those people who are in need of marriage the means and a pious partner. Aameen.

51 Comments»

  Sultana wrote @

I am a 31 year old girl, unmarried, working for a living. My mother has been looking for a match for me for years now. I am good looking with no physical or mental disability and still my match has not yet been fixed. So, as mentioned above, “whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting is a shield for him (from desires).” How does this apply to girls like me. When and for how many days am I supposed to fast (asking this question since i’m a working girl).
Eagerly awaiting a reply, please guide me.

  todd payton wrote @

selam you should look for a match yourself in addition to tour mother. I am trying to get married too and i have some kidney issues so i dont fast alhumdullah fast on the days where your desire for a mate is high and pray late at night so that maybe allah will give you your husband quick

  Ahmed wrote @

bismillah.

I’m Ahmed, 28 years old, unmarried, working in Germany. If you want to marry write me. ahmet_sufi@yahoo.de

salams

  Nichelle wrote @

Salam, As a Christian woman who has chosen not to marry because working for peace in the Middle East is dangerous. I was curious to read your article, my religion (Eastern Orthodox) has similar views on marriage, but without the fasting. We fast every week anyhow though.

Anyhow, I’m writing with all due respect. As an English teacher, I wanted to point out a somewhat important grammatical error in your 4th paragraph.

Marriage is taken seriously in Islam as it allows people to live in a clean and moral society where desires are fulfilled in a human and shameful manner.

I think you mean in a “humane manner without shame.” As the meaning currently is that desires should be fulfilled in a way that brings shame. Which I believe is the opposite of your intent. ~N

  Anonymous wrote @

Assalamalikum,

I am 33 years old female and not yet married. I have few spots on my left arm that are diagnosed by some doctor’s as leukoderma, some say they are early vitiligo and some other doctor’s say its nothing and I was born with this skin type.
During my entire life I have hardly received any proposal for marriage and of course Allah causes everything to happen.
I believe from my level of understanding that these spots were always the reason why people backed off and I was very aware of this situation from an early age. Keeping this is mind, I have established myself financially and I have been earning my own living for past 13 years. I have also lost interest in marriage after waiting for such a long time. Recently I received a proposal from divorced individual with a child . I don’t want to get married with a divorced person with kids or simply any divorced individual. I am sure I will not be a good mother for someone else’s child specially when the child’s mother is alive. I have two questions now
1. Am I doing a sin by refusing this proposal? Please bear in mind that this person still does not know the condition of my skin. He might reconsider or cancel his proposal after knowing about this.
2. Do people have right to refuse me religiously on basis of my skin situation?
What is ruling in Islam about marriage for people with skin disorders ?
JazakAllah khair.

  Waqar wrote @

Hi, can i have your e-mail adress so that i can tell u somethings in detail or you can contact me on ik.ajnabi@hotmail.co.uk. Many thanks
waqar

  S. wrote @

did you get the answer you wanted? I think to state its ur islamic duty to wed when circumstances are such that you try and you cannot, no matter how hard you try, is ridiculus! one can not force someone to marry, and we dont want to marry for the sake of it!!

i havent seen anything that ansswer this fact – pls enlighten me.

  Samina wrote @

JazakAllah for all your posts. I did not get the answer yet but as you notice this post is almost three years old..and over this time period I have learned that patience is what Allah intends for me..I am not in rush to get married neither am I worried about being unmarried. Every one is going through test in life and this one is mine, but as the last comment states I dont want to marry just for the sake of it, I really want a companionship in life as it a right Islam has given to me. Alhamdulillahi rabil alameen.

  Desi_gal19 wrote @

Salaam,,

I am 29 yrs old girl living in USA. I live with my family. My parents are looking for proposal here. But few of the proposal I got they seem to reject me. I dont know the reason for it. I am decent looking, educated girl. I have no physical flaws on it. Lot of people reject because my background is gujarati muslim or because they want a younger girl for their son. I am keeping fast on fridays for marriage. Please advise what else should I do to get a pious husband.

  mohammed wrote @

I am mohamed i live in kenya and i am 22yrz old and im also looking forward for a asian lady who is ready for marriage are you intrested? if u r indian muslim girl its ok even if you are older than me. a have no problem and am somali muslim guy good looking.and even i speak ur language(hindi)

  Abubakar mohammed wrote @

My dear sis i will like to wish you well in your search but my little reminder is dont set aside fridays for ur fast since is not accepted iamically for that. U can do it any otherday apart from friday only. Friday is eid day for muslims…….

  naaz wrote @

Do not fast on friday… If u are fasting once in a week then its good to choose other day than friday… Friday is known as d day of eid… So fasting on eid is not allowed…

  Badar wrote @

جمعہ کا روزہ رکھنا ممنوع ہے۔ آپ کی لیے دعا ہے کہ اللہ آپکے مسائل اور مشکلات آسان کرے۔ آمین

http://www.islamicurdubooks.com/msb/babdetail/bookssubchapters-detail-8d97.html?zoom_highlight=%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%92%20%DA%A9%DB%92%20%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86%20%D9%85%DB%8C%DA%BA

  rabya wrote @

According to a hadith shareef fasting on friday or Saturday is prohibited…. if u wana fast on dz days fast on,Thursday friday or like Saturday n sunday…. please search
The sunnah is to fast on Mondays n Thursdays. It was Rasool (S.A.W.W.)’s sunnah to fast on dz 2 days
Regards
Rabya

  Billy wrote @

Salam (peace), I became a Muslim almost 2 years ago and I’m 29 living in UK. I have wealth but it’s not of my earnings but my dads. As a man I cannot marry knowing that I haven’t worked to provide for myself and I plan to avoid marriage until I am capable.
Is it sin to have a morality of righteousness?

If I had lost everything to fire then I would need to start over then surely I need to be capable before committing into marriage?

I do feel ashamed for letting myself become spoiled but I intend to change that with the help of Allah; the one and only creator and my only protecting friend.

I admit that I do get attracted by a women’s golden ratio and that is embedded into my brain as a healthy but I can restrain my eyes after a look but my preference is piety.

Fasting does help reduce my desires but I do not think it is required as I am an obedient servant of Allah and I fear Allah to even think of adultery.

  mohammed wrote @

Am not replying but also airing my failures am a 40yrs old man and not married am simply scared of marriage reasons are that with may current job(driver) i may fail to fulfill my wife’s and children daily needs but i know its gett

  mohammed wrote @

Am not replying but also airing my failures am a 40yrs old man and not married am simply scared of marriage reasons are that with may current job(driver) i may fail to fulfill my wife’s and children daily needs but i know its getting late now yet its also said that its Allah who provides what should i do b4 its to late i have become a social outcast my parent pleasure and my peers really getting on my nerves

  Samina wrote @

Peace be Upon You.
Billy, I wouldn’t suggest you to wait until you learn your way of living and the rest you have stated.
Marriage becomes a duty upon the one who is capable of executing it financially and physically. Through the Will of Allah you have inherited your father’s wealth legally and it was destined for you to acquire it in an easy manner. It is Allah’s Mercy upon you, so accept it open heatedly and pay Gratitude to Allah for it. Allah intends to make things easy for us as He loves us more that our mother.
Also, being in business world for quite sometime, I know that it is a major task (full time job sometimes) to maintain Finances and multiply or grow your business/money etc..
Select a humble and caring girl for yourself, who can help you in protecting your inherited wealth and become independent. In fact it would the best if you two learn “together” the art of living a financially independent life. Remember Shaitaan is our open enemy so we have to be careful about his attacks. He might be alluring you away from a modest act through all the reasons rather excuses you have mentioned to delay marriage.
May Allah accept our repentance and guide us to the straight path. Ameen.

  Samina wrote @

Peace Be Upon You,
Desi_gal19,
You can only make dua and keep yourself happy for who you are and what have. Allah is giving you an opportunity to know the real purpose in life i.e. to worship and get closer to Him. Not many people get the opportunity you have in the form of “leisure time”. Take advantage of it. Your time/moment for marriage has not arrived yet. Why do you fear it as a delay? There is a time, place,shape and form for everything. For sun to rise, the night to cover the day, the leaves to be green, the sky blue, the eyes to be on top of our noses (:)) etc. etc..Everything looks beautiful in the form it is. May Allah forgive me for saying this but Allah cannot make mistake in His Creation, it is the best state for it to be in. If you agree that all these look perfect the way they are, then why are you so unsatisfied with the way your life is. One who created those has also created you and destined your life events. Be at ease, He is watching you and loves you more than your mother. Marriage is a sweet union of man and woman already paired by Allah, don’t dread its arrival rather execute a beautiful patient attitude towards it..Biiznillah you will be rewarded tremendously..May Allah accept our repentance Ameen..
My apologise if I mentioned anything to your dislike.

  syed farhan wrote @

as salaam wa alaikium my sister is 28 yrs old and still no marriage proposals for her.My dad passed away long time ago.she is lil more than mediim built and wheatish in color.not sharp featured.she is well educated and staunch follower of islam.what will be her future life?

  fizzi wrote @

Salam friends..!! As I have read all your comments and learnt something from it ,so desired to ask and share something…
I am a 23 year old indian girl..completed my engineering in 2012 but at the end I did not get a job thats why wanted to do higher studies MBA. i Wrote my entrance test and now the time begins for the admission process. At this stage some of my friends saying not to continue higher studies and get married as it is forbidden in islam for muslim girls to work outside I have faith in Allah because whatever decision would be in the future ,that would be according to his will. i have done professional course and i wud be getting corporate world involvment in my life…..
i am very much confused…is it sin to continue my higher studies and delaying my marriage .? should i take admission or shall i wait for the marriage proposals? please pry for me…i am in great confusion.as i have spent hell lots of money in it…and still it is going on..

  Samina wrote @

Walaikum Salaam Fizzi. I felt very happy to know about your academic acheivement,may Allah guide you in utilizing your knowledge in His service.
Your friends are right in telling you to get married as early as possible. But I suggest you to be active while waiting for a good proposal. I am an entreprenuer in engineering field. According to my experience you have enough qualification to land in medium to high end profession InshaAllah sooner or later. So why would you pursue MBA?. Keep looking for job with you present qualifications. I agree that in Islam woman are not encouraged to work outside but I certainly dont believe it is forbidden to do so. I am in corporate world for last 13 years. But my venture into corporate world was purely to sustain myself and family financially. Alhamdulillah I performed all my Salah at work and followed complete hijab.
To conclude, sister consider marriage first and foremost at this stage in life. If there is no pressing need for you to work or your family doesn’t want you to work then dont do so. Now learn skills to exel in domestic chores. Interior designing, cooking and so forth. InshaAllah your family will appreciate you and let you do what you desire. You are still young, InshaAllah you will get many opportunities to work later in your life. If you plan to continue education then instead of doing MBA start Quran Tafseer course and acquire closeness to Allah.
I believe if you are not the breadwinner/man of the house you should always look/percieve work outside as parttime work or secondary to all the household duties no matter how much qualified you are.
May Allah give you success in this world and foremost in the hereafter.
Ameen suma Ameen.

  Samina wrote @

Walaikum Salam brother Syed Farha,
Allah knows best about your sister. Dua at time of tahajjud is highly accepted.

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  Maheen wrote @

assalamunalekum i m maheen 22yrs old,i want to study,i m not ready for marraige my parents want to do my marraige with man who is 35yr old,25 days r left for my marriage,bt i m not happy for this marriage becouse of age gap,want i will do

  Samina wrote @

Walaikum Salaam Maheen, I congratulate you on receiving proposal and Allah has blessed you with an opportunity to start a family at such a young age. May Allah bless your marriage and provide you with best of offspring who become guidance for mankind in way of goodness Aameen.
Maheen age gap is a healthy thing in marriage relationship..before you ponder too deep into this age factor, look into all the positive things in this proposal..if you think 35 is an old age just for the sake of positive reinforcement look at the actress and actresses no matter what culture you belong to..you will see how youthful 35 years old people are..its a blossoming age especially for men..he will take very good care of you and I assume he is well established financially.. go enjoy life.. I am not forcing you but just helping you to see the goodness in marriage..go for it inshaAllah you will not regret if its only age you are talking about..
Please respond with any other concerns you have, I will be glad to help you in anyway possible

  as wrote @

i am not a muslim but i don’t have any against in this belief.. i love a muslim guy and wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. if i converted to muslim is there any possibilities that he can marry me. his parents now is arranging his marriage for him. its scares me to death to think that maybe he’ll marry her because of tradition. what will i do. what will i need to prove that all i want was to love him and spend my life with him for the rest of my life. i know he loves me and i love him too. please give me advice i know i can be a good wife to him

  jobayer wrote @

i want to marry a girl who shares my sadness and happiness . i am 24 years old . first i love her and i see her and she see me and we are talking freely . when i am able to earn many money and make a building then i get marry. okay. my lover may be 22 years old. my face book ID mohammadhanif01@yahoo.com

  Cindy wrote @

i come from a very overprotective dysfunctional family. I have also had skin issues since i can remember which made me totally socially an outcast. Last year i got a proposal from a family i dont even know of because my parents dont allow us to be with anybody outside. We kids were always at home..no social skills and how to behave with other people. I said no to the proposal because i kinda felt forced and im scared because the guy could also look at my face and someday or the other he would call me ugly because of my scars. Im 25 now and now i come to realize that life is a game and i should have at least looked at that boy. Now i feel lonely as ever. Its a vicious circle. Im mentally very sensitive and could never bear someone who is intimate with me physically and mentally call me ugly. many people have called me ugly. But i still dont wanna marry someone because i have no other choice. i dont know how to make something of my life. I think not only being muslim is of importance. Culture and language and nation are a major part.

  Samina wrote @

Peace upon you Cindy,

May Allah make it easy for you. Remember we are here for temporary time period. Your body and features are just a small part of you..what you make of your life is the main objective of your being. Do not feel lonely and sad..there is a big life ahead of you as people might say but let me tell you life is too short..it will end soon. So its a good news you will not be stuck with ugly face forever but the people who tell you ugly will be stuck with their sin for calling you ugly forever if they dont repent.
Having said that, may I please ask you to look at the blessings Allah has given you..you are reading and typing messages..that means
-you can read (find out how many people are illiterate)
-you know how to use internet (some poeple dont even know what computer is)
– you are aware of Allah, so you are seeking religious advice (people are lost in this life and addicted to bad things/company just as means of finding purpose in life)
-you have a family, people who live around you (research how many people live alone and no one knew they were dead inside their house until few months after their death)
-you have hands, eyes, feet and free air to breathe (find out how much it will cost if you were to live on ventilator-thousand and thousands of US dollars)
-you have attained 25 years of age (people die in infancy, or die with dreams in their eyes)
-you are protected within your family, look at homeless people who live and die on streets..Let me assure you that people like you do not lack social skill, they just dont talk much or interact with people..it is perfectly fine and much liked by Allah.
My sister in Islam find purpose in life. You have Quran and sunnah. Look at what Allah wants from you..trust Allah and He will bring sustenance to your doorstep either it be a proposal or your other things in life
No one is ugly and I urge you to take this out or your mind as early as possible..ugliness is in character not looks..the more pure of heart and character you are the more beautiful you are..so improve your character, read good books and share it with people and be nice to the people..InshaAllah they will see past your face and into your heart and call you the most beautiful girl..as far as getting married goes, keep standards sisters!! you want a pure person and you have time to wait..have patience and do good deeds and stay away from any/all evil and Allah will reward you with a good spouse. He will become intimate with you because for him you will be beautiful inward and outward..

May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong and may He accept my effort and reward us if my message contains any good.

Sister in Islam

  Samina wrote @

Respond to as,

Sorry for the delayed response.
Can you please resend your question..

  Samina wrote @

Peace upon you brother jobayer,

I ask you to change your views/opinion regarding finding a spouse and follow the Sunnah steps for getting married and biiznillah he will grant your wish and bless you with a prosperous life.
You cannot talk freely with a non mahrem girl before marriage and it is not important to love each other before you get married. Infact it is a trap of Shaitan to keep you away from halal relationship and prolong the haram deeds/actions.
Start your search when you are ready to settle in life and meanwhile seek knowledge, do good deeds and stay away from any/all evil.

May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong and may He accept my effort and give if my message contains any good.

  @dmire wrote @

@dmire
m 23 years old muslim girl m not able to get married everytym we do engagement it breaks off coz the ppl are fraud n they are interested in our property.as m the only daughter n i dont have my dad or any siblings..my mother is an old age woman..shez not being well..my relatives are also creating trouble in proposals coz they too are behind money..even though we are not very rich.they want our house which we are living in coz its already known to every1 that am the only inhertitant of watever my mom have with her..m scared donno wat to do.my relatives being my neighbours they have a very easy chance of playing with my life.please suggest me wat step i should take..

  Osman wrote @

The world is a big place & there are Muslims living in many parts of the world. Marry someone who isn’t from your city or country who wouldnt care about your possessions or has more to give you but everything is in the hands of Allah, so pls be patient & pray for Allah to show you the right path.

  pseudonym wrote @

I am 28 years old and had been a brilliant student (a gold medalist), and have a decent job. I support my family financially. We come from a weak financial background, and because I am a little fat, no one sends me a proposal. When I was studying, I got a few proposals from divorcees with children but I refused at that time because I was in a relationship with a man for 6 years, but he eventually married someone else after making promises to me. Recently, I was introduced to a guy by a friend of mine and we got along well, so he proposed to me and I said yes. However, he started emotionally abusing me, suppressing me, doubting my character and started asking for sinful demands that I could not fulfill. He then fought with me over a non-issue and left me forever, even though I was preparing for the big day. No I feel totally lonely, dejected. Everyone demeans me for having a bad fate and bad looks (although I am fine looking, but just a little fat, and I am working on it). However, I feel bad about myself and I have actually started hating myself because of the dejection. Although I pray regularly, and seek forgiveness and ask for a suitable man so that I can prevent myself from sinning, I am gradually losing hope. What do I do?

  Osman wrote @

Although it may seem like the end of the world to you at the moment but soon this test will pass. Be patient. Allah has made someone fitting for you that you still haven’t found as yet but rest assured he’s out there looking for you. Be positive.

  froogh wrote @

Hi my name is froogh i am muslim i have 19 yers old i live in Afghanistan i sutady in kaule univercity i am look for marrigen l want see you thinks that is my mobil number +93782921166

  froogh wrote @

I want marrigen wite indan muslim girls

  Md mojahedkhan wrote @

I am md mojahed khan iam 29 year old live in kuwait iam unmarried if any muslim unmarride girl intersted in marreig so plz contact my email mohamedmojhedkhan@gmail.com

  Md mojahedkhan wrote @

I am md mojahed khan indian iam 29 year old live in kuwait iam unmarried if any muslim unmarride indain girl intersted in marreig so plz contact my email mohamedmojhedkhan@gmail.com

  Abdullah wrote @

i want to marry insha’Allah , i live in UK , Im 42 , but I look hardly a day older than 32. Allah has blessed me with a youthful appearance at my age. Looking for a nice Woman.
I want to to fulfill this wonderful sunnah of nikah , insha’Allah.

my email : sufism@outloo.com

  zunairabutt85 wrote @

I am Zunaira butt, 28, living in pakistan, i m interested to get married, i was working in a school from last 5 years bt ve left nw, want to know more about u

  Mohamed mojahed khan wrote @

I am md mojahed khan i am 30year old and iam work in kuwait my work is electrician in amrican miltri camp kuwait my home twon bidar karnataka india iam intrested to get marrid i need a suni muslim girl 24 to 28 year old my english not good so any mistek sory

  sajid wrote @

this is the age of dajjal and men are afraid to marry women coz women are not respecting husband.is there a muslim girl who wants to live a complete islamic sharia life i am male 30 contact me if any interested great_thinker2000@yahoo.com

  xyz wrote @

Salaam
I wanted to marry a girl of my choice my parents and the girls parents agreed for our marriage But my mom is of dominating nature I don’t want the girl to suffer in future what should I do in this situation.

  Samina wrote @

Asak.
Brother get married with her. Allah will make things easy inshallah. You have to live your life not your mother.

Sister in Islam

  Anony102 wrote @

Throughtout university i was extremely interested in getting married settling down having kids. However the girl is currently pursuing her university education. So plans got delay by about 1-2 years. In all honesty ive lost interest in marriage and dont think i require a partner anymore

  anonymous wrote @

Marriage is a religious obligation just as any other. If you are seeking the pleasure of Allah then you should keep you enthusiasm alive or try to figure out a way to marry soon instead of the delaying it.

  jaafar wrote @

If a man or women can’t get married, is cause allah want them single, you can’t fight the will of allah, if allah want you single, you will never be able to get married, no matter how many times you try, even if you try a million of times, thats why i gived up, until i die i go to jahanam.

  froogh wrote @

Salam my name is froogh i have 19 yers old i live in Afghanistan country i studay in kabul univercity i want marred wite indan beautiful girls that is my wash so any beautiful girls want marred me i want see him that is my mobil number +93782921166 i have sample live Allah wite me frooghnawab@yahoo.com thinks

  Sabiha wrote @

+919880058549


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